


Right Hand Man (Stormlight Archive spoof)

by if_one_of_us_falls



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Battle of the Tower, Book 01: The Way of Kings, Parody, Song rewrite, Spoof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28549371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/if_one_of_us_falls/pseuds/if_one_of_us_falls
Summary: A rewrite of the song Right Hand Man from Hamilton as the climax of The Way of Kings.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	Right Hand Man (Stormlight Archive spoof)

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS]

The parshendi are gathering on the Tower

Every parshendi troop upon the Tower

Sadeas abandoned us on the Tower

When they surround our troops

They surround our troops

When they surround our troops!

[KALADIN]

As a little kid in Hearhtstone I dreamed of a war

I knew that I was poor

I knew it was the only way to - 

[KALADIN/BRIDGE FOUR]

Rise up!

[KALADIN]

It's the same old story

Why should my men die so the lighteyes can win glory and - 

[KALADIN/BRIDGE FOUR]

Rise up!

[KALADIN]

I have been here before

Is Kholin like the rest 

For whom honor's just a word 

Or can we

[SYL/BRIDGE FOUR]

Trust him!

[KALADIN]

I’ll protect those who can’t protect themselves -

[KALADIN/BRIDGE FOUR]

Save them! Bridge up!

[KALADIN]

Here we come.

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS] 

Here comes the General!

[ADOLIN]

Ladies and gentlemen!

  
  


[KHOLIN SOLDIERS] 

Here comes the General!

[ADOLIN]

The moment you’ve been waiting for!

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS] 

Here comes the General!

[ADOLIN]

The Blackthorn of Alethkar!

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS] 

Here comes the General!

[ADOLIN]

Dalinar Kholin!

[DALINAR & _ KHOLIN SOLDIERS _ ]

We are outarmed! ( _ what?) _

Outmanned! ( _ what?) _

Outnumbered

Outplanned ( _ Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck!) _

We gotta make an all outstand

Ayo, I’m gonna need a right hand man

( _ Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck!) _

[Dalinar]

Check it -

Can I be real a second?

For just a milisecond?

Let down my guard and tell the people how I feel a second?

Now I’m the model of a modern major general

The venerated lighteyed veteran whose men are all

Lining up, to put me up on a pedestal

Listening to the Way of Kings 

Uniting them, I keep an eye on Elhokar but

The chasmfiend is in the room

The truth is in your face 

Sadeas abandoned us to our 

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS]

Doom!

[DALINAR]

Every hope of success is fleeting

How can I keep leading 

When he stole the only means of retreating?

We put a stop to the bleeding as the parshendi storm us 

Knight takes rook but look

[DALINAR & _ KHOLIN SOLDIERS _ ]

We are outarmed! (what?)

Outmanned! (what?)

Outnumbered

Outplanned (Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck!)

We gotta make an all outstand

Ayo, I’m gonna need a right hand man

(Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck!)

INCOMING! 

[KALADIN & _ ROCK _ ]

They're battering down his shardplate, check the damages

_ Rah! _

We gotta stop them and rob them of their advantages

_ Rah! _

Let’s take a stand with the skill that the chasms granted us 

Bridge Four will hold this bridge

Yo, let’s steal their Stormlight—

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS] 

Shh-boom! 

[DALINAR]

Goes my breastplate, watch the light and the pieces spray - 

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS] 

Shh-boom! 

[DALINAR]

Goes my gauntlet, can't retreat, is it too late?

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS] 

Boom! 

[DALINAR]

There's another pair 

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS] 

Boom! 

[DALINAR]

I'm about to despair and -

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS] 

Boom! 

[DALINAR]

We gotta leave the Tower quick, 

We can't afford another slip!

Swords and horses giddyup

Sadeas has set us up

What's this there? A single bridge crew, can they be our way out?

This close to giving up, facing mad scrutiny

I'm not ashamed of what's become of me! 

I see that bridge crew, fighting in the distance

Go help them hold the bridge, people

They're in dire need of assistance…

****

[KALADIN]

Have I done something wrong, Sir?

[Dalinar] 

On the contrary

I called you here because our odds are beyond scary

Your reputation precedes you, but I have to laugh

[KALADIN]

Sir?

[DALINAR]

How come you ordered around half my staff?

[KALADIN]

Sir!

[DALINAR]

Don’t get me wrong, you’re a young man of great renown

I heard you held that bridge all by yourself, oh drop that frown

I wonder if Sadeas knew what he missed in mistreating you…

[KALADIN]

When it comes to bridgemen, I don't think so 

[DALINAR]

Why’re you upset?

[KALADIN]

I’m not—

[DALINAR]

I've seen the way you fight, you've got a hunger

I was just like you when I was younger

Head full of fantasies of dying like a martyr?

Dying is easy young man, living is harder.

[KALADIN]

Why are you telling me this?

[DALINAR]]

I’m being honest

This war has stretched far longer than we've promised

This vengeance pact is about to explode

I need someone like you to lighten the load. So?

[SYL & BRIDGE FOUR]

I am not letting down my oaths

I am not letting down my oaths

Ayo, you've sworn to protect 

those who can't protect themselves and - 

[KALADIN]

I am not letting down my oaths! 

[DALINAR]

Son

We are outarmed, outmanned!

[KALADIN]

You need all the help you can get

I have some friends. Moash, Rock, Lopen, Skar and Teft okay, what else?

[DALINAR]

Outnumbered, outplanned!

[KALADIN]

We’ll place some guards on the inside

Try real hard to avoid regicide

[KALADIN,  _ KHOLIN SOLDIERS _ ,  **BRIDGE FOUR &SYL** ]

_ Boom! _

**Whoa, whoa, whoa**

Tell the quartermasters we gonna need supplies, you rally the guys,

Master the element of surprise

_ Chicka-boom! _

**Whoa, whoa, whoa...**

I'll rise above my station, organize your information

**Whoa, whoa, whoa…**

Watch us keep your family safe from assasination. Sir!

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS]

Here comes the General!

[KALADIN]

Rise up!

[MOASH/TEFT/ROCK]

What?

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS]

Here comes the General!

[KALADIN/SYL]

Rise up!

[MOASH/TEFT/ROCK]

What?

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS]

Here comes the General!

[KALADIN/SYL]

Rise up!

[MOASH/TEFT/ROCK]]

What?

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS]]

Here comes the General!

[KALADIN]

What?

[DALINAR]

And his right hand man!

[KHOLIN SOLDIERS]

Boom!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I took this way too seriously lol  
> I omitted the Burr scene because it didn't work with the rest of the plot, I hope it's still nice.   
> btw am I the only one who goes wild whenever Dalinar calls Kaladin son? Dadlinar is the best Dalinar.


End file.
